


Until Spring Passes

by luvsohn



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Coming of Age, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, everyone is mentioned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 07:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20111062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsohn/pseuds/luvsohn
Summary: Seungmin and Felix trade in stories. They meet every summer, when times align and Seungmin heads back to the countryside to live with his grandparents for the break between semesters. With him, he brings a collection of stories he’d heard while he was gone, and it’s like nothing has changed. Sure, they’d grow taller and their appearances would change, but no matter what had happened in the year he was gone, once he returns home, once he returns to Felix, he feels like himself again.Or, the one where Seungmin and Felix are so busy telling other peoples stories, they don't realise they're missing their own.





	Until Spring Passes

Seungmin and Felix trade in stories. They meet every summer, when times align and Seungmin heads back to the countryside to live with his grandparents for the break between semesters. With him, he brings a collection of stories he’d heard while he was gone, and it’s like nothing has changed. Sure, they’d grow taller and their appearances would change, but no matter what had happened in the year he was gone, once he returns home, once he returns to Felix, he feels like himself again.

The city was wonderful and it was expansive. He liked the level of anonymity that came with living in such a large place, but sometimes he missed the cosiness of the little town he grew up in. He missed the safety of being able to wander around at night without any worries about who was around him.

“Did you hear the one about the sailors?” Felix begins one crisp Friday morning as they tend to his families pigs. He’s sorting out their food, lifting heavy bags and carrying them where they need to be. Seungmin had always known Felix was far stronger than he seemed, but it felt like he got stronger with every passing year.

“No, I don’t think so.” Seungmin responds, cleaning out the pigsty as he always does. He wasn’t sure when Felix had managed to rope him into helping with his chores, but he didn’t mind that much anymore. It had become routine, after all.

“Apparently, there was this ex-sailor who lived in some house that had a magical garden.” His voice was strained as he lifted another bag, carrying it to the back of the barn. “It was always spring there. I mean - the flowers never died, the vegetables always grew, stuff like that.”

“Everything was the same?” Seungmin interrupts, stopping to lean on the shovel as he tilts his head, glancing over to the other. “Wasn’t that boring?”

“I don’t think so. I think he was used to it. I think he’d accepted it as his life.” Felix turns and looks at Seungmin, something in his eyes that causes Seungmin to flinch back. “Anyway, it changes when this circus comes to town. He meets this trapeze artist and they fall in love.” A dreamy smile grows on Felix’s face. “At the end of it all, they decide to go sailing together.”

“What about the garden?” 

“It died, I think. Spring finally ended when he left.”

“Poetic. Where’d you hear that one?”

“Some sailors came into town the other week and got drunk. They were sharing all kinds of stories.” A pause, as Felix resumes his work. “You would’ve loved them, I think. Especially the youngest one. He was cute.”

Seungmin laughs and rolls his eyes. He knows what Felix is trying to do, but Seungmin just didn’t find himself interested in romance outside of the stories he exchanged with Felix. He didn’t know why - but it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying. He’d dated girls before, had even dated a guy or two, but none of them seemed to stick. None of those relationships compared to the idea he had built in his head. “I’m sure he was. Come on, get in here and clean out this pig shit with me.”

One summer, Seungmin can’t make it, so Felix surprises him by coming to visit him instead. When he calls to let Seungmin know a couple days in advance, he suddenly finds himself overwhelmed with both excitement and anxiety. He’d talked about his friends to Felix, and vice versa, a lot, so what if either party was underwhelmed? What if they didn’t like each other? Seungmin had long since dreamed of them meeting, had always dreamed of getting to introduce both halves of his life to each other and now that it’s becoming a reality, the situation truly hits him in the face with a load of worries. 

Of course, it was all pointless and they get along great. In fact, Seungmin thinks they might prefer Felix over himself. Which, he supposes, is understandable. After all, he certainly prefers Felix’s company over his own. 

They meet at Hyunjins families chicken place. It’s not their usual destination, but Seungmin figured that Felix might feel comfortable meeting them all in a semi-public place rather than in Chan and Hyunjins apartment. 

Seungmin knows that Felix is nervous. It’s radiating off him as they wait, because of course his stupid friends are late. He smiles at the boy, who gives an uncertain smile in return. Then he knocks their shoulders together. 

“It’ll be okay. They’ll love you as much as I do, I know they will.”

“You better hope not! Or else I’ll find a new best friend like you keep telling me to!” Felix smiles as he knocks Seungmin back, and it’s still nervous, but a little less so. 

“Minho you still owe me fifteen dollars, you know, and I absolutely will be collecting that, don’t think I’ve forgotten. You are not getting out of this one, alright? I swear to God, you are not weaseling out of it by pretending you’re doing me a favor or something.” A slowly approaching voice is borderline yelling and Seungmin knows it’s Changbin. Minho always owes him money, and he always manages to get out of it. 

Sure enough, they all yank various seats around the table out. Changbin, Minho, Jisung and Chan sit across from them, Hyunjin sitting down beside Seungmin and Woojin sitting on the other side of Felix. Silently, Seungmin breathes in relief. If Minho or Changbin had sat beside Felix, he wouldn’t have trusted them enough to behave. The pair would turn this into an interrogation, trying to get dirt on him that his best friend would be happy to divulge. 

He’s lost in thought, until Hyunjin digs his elbow sharply into his side, pulling him right back to Earth and the strange reality that is both his worlds colliding. “Oh - everyone this is Felix. He’s my best friend and I’ve known him my entire life. Felix - this is everyone. They’re all stupid, but they pay for the meals a majority of the time so. You know.”

Felix laughs at that, turning to wave awkwardly at the people gathered around him. “Hey everyone. Seungmin’s said a lot about you!”

“And you still wanted to meet us?” Hyunjin leans forward, trying to see Felix past Seungmin. The table laughs, before Jisung’s leaning across the table swatting at him. “What did he say about us anyway?”

“Did he tell you about how I’m his sexiest friend?” Changbin pipes up, flexing his arms and pulling ridiculous poses until Minho scoffs in disgust and starts batting at him, much to Changbins chagrin. They start shoving each other, already back to their squabbles. So much for best behaviour. Seungmin and Chan lock eyes and Chan just shrugs, causing Seungmin to smile.

“He told me you’d probably say that. In fact - he wrote notes on all of you. Minho’s list is the longest.” Felix reaches into his pocket and pulls out Seungmins notepad. “Do you want to see them?”

They all burst into laughter at that, as Minho almost climbs over the table in his sheer desperation to get his hands on Seungmins notes. 

“Minho sit down. Felix, why don’t you just read them to us? It’ll be way easier, I think.” Woojin pipes in, reaching out and pushing his hand against Minho’s forehead. “I can read it if you don’t want to.”

“No - I’ll read it! I want to know how much of these are true anyway!” Felix beams, flipping open the notepad and clearing his throat. “Hyunjin is sweet but he is also very gullible. Tell him pretty much anything and he’ll believe it. Idiot almost got kidnapped by a cult once.”

At this, the table roars with laughter, some of them slapping the table. The only one not laughing is Hyunjin, who’s indignantly protesting the statement. “It’s not that I’m gullible - they were just really convincing! I thought it’d be rude to just leave!”

That only makes them laugh harder, of course, which causes Hyunjin to end up joining in. The meeting continues like that, with Felix reading out quotes from Seungmins introductory lists and the others regale him with humorous explanations.

Seungmin finds himself sitting back and watching, entertained and pleased. Felix fit in with everyone instantly, just like he’d always thought he would. He was his best friend, after all. He turns his head and smiles as he watches Felix, his eyes crinkling into crescents as he laughs. 

Seungmin isn’t sure how long he sits quietly watching his best friend, but soon enough he’s turning to smile back and there’s a strange, warm feeling that begins to brew in his chest, one that has Seungmin tilting his head ever so slightly to the side.

He’s not entirely sure how long he’s been sitting with his confusion before Felix throws his arm around his shoulders, pressing his head against Seungmins gently. “You okay?”

Seungmin startles, eyes widening for a moment before he nods slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?” He glances to Felix, trying not to jostle the boy, before glancing across the table. His friends were involved in their own conversations., barely paying attention to the pair.

“Mhm! Your friends are nice. I like them.” He beams, pulling away from Seungmin and leaning back in his seat. Seungmin chooses to ignore the pang in his chest, the way it feels like Felix had taken a piece of him when he’d pulled away. 

“I think they like you too.” He responds, gesturing to the group around them. Woojin is watching them, he notices. He just flashes a knowing smile, before turning his attention to the others once more. 

“But you like me more?” Felix teases, hitting his elbow against Seungmins side.

“But I like you more.” Seungmin agrees with a firm nod, which only causes Felix to laugh, and Seungmin finds he can’t help but to laugh along with him.

The next summer he visits, Seungmin is 17 and is beelining toward a successful career in writing. He’s always been naturally talented at it, but didn’t consider it as anything more than a hobby until his teacher pulled him aside and explained that he stood a pretty good chance at making it big if he kept at it. 

But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to make it into anything more than a hobby. He liked just writing for fun, occasionally for competitions. He knew that a lot of people who turned something they enjoyed into their career ended up burnt out pretty quickly and he didn’t want to risk that happening to him. Not if he wasn’t completely sure on it.

When he ends up sprawled on the grassy hill underneath the grand oak tree with Felix, however, it doesn’t seem like such a pressing issue. Felix’s presence soothes his worries and he relishes it. Tucks his arms underneath his head and sighs, closing his eyes.

“Did you hear the one about the two boys in private school? One of them was the king of the place, everyone respected and kind of feared him, you know how it is. Anyway, a new kid comes in and the king wants to get with him, but he refuses. They get into weirdly flirtatious fights until eventually they get together.”

Felix waits patiently until Seungmin finishes summarising a story he’d heard while at school, before he hums softly. “I don’t think I’d like that, if it were me.” There’s the sound of shuffling, before Seungmin feels a weight on his chest, which he assumes is Felix’s head. “I’d prefer we got on from the start.”

Seungmins chest warms at that, but he’s not entirely sure why. Refuses to take time to think about it. Instead, he just smiles and moves his hands around blindly, until Felix takes pity on him and takes his hand, guiding it to his face. Seungmin pinches his cheek gently and Felix bats his hands away. It’s become routine for them, this constant push and pull. Seungmin finds comfort in it.

“You don’t need to worry about that, anyway. The best chance you have of romance is if someone new moves into town. Everyone here already knows you too well.” Seungmin laughs, quickly opening his eyes and peering down at the boy when he realises he didn’t join in.

He’s staring thoughtfully up at the sky, fingers drumming against his chest. It was rare for Felix to bury himself so deep in thought that Seungmin shuffled, attempting to sit up without jostling the boy too much. Slowly, Felix turns his head to the other. There’s something pitiful in the corner of his eyes that Seungmin doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to describe, other than that it caused a sharp pang to burst within his chest. 

“Do you really think I’m that bad?” His voice is small, timid. It goes against everything Seungmin had grown used to about his best friend, but it’s not entirely new. They’ve been friends for as long as he could remember and he knows he’s seen this side of him before, but never so suddenly. Never without good reason.

“Of course not! You’re my best friend. I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met. I just don’t think there’s anyone who lives in this town that’s good enough for you, that’s all. I promise.” Seungmin speaks quickly, reaching and taking hold of his hand, pulling it to his chest. “Seriously, Felix. You know you’re leagues above anyone else I’ve ever met.”

“Someone who lives in this town?” He hums, before smiling fondly at Seungmin. This seems to cheer him up considerably, as he sits up and shuffles, gently pulling his hand from Seungmins grasp. He presses his back against the trunk of the oak, shoulder brushing gently against the others. “I know, I know. But it’s funny making you get mushy sometimes.” He turns and sticks his tongue out at him, who mirrors the gesture instantaneously. With that out the way, he rests his head against Seungmins shoulder.

It’s only afterwards, when they’re walking back down the hill toward home, when Seungmin is thinking about the significance of it all, when he remembers just how small the distance was between them, that a blush grows on his cheeks.

Perhaps he meant those words more than he’d realised.

Seungmin finds himself anticipating summer more than he had before, ever since he’d had a conversation about it all with Hyunjin late one night. They’d sprawled across his bed, textbooks long since abandoned on the floor, and Seungmin had explained the pangs in his chest, the warmth in his cheeks. He didn’t tell him about the dreams he’d been having, but he didn’t intend to tell anyone about those. The way Felix’s lips had felt against his cheek were all too real, all too private. 

Hyunjin had told him that he had a crush and Seungmin knew he was right, but argued anyway. It was impossible, wasn’t it, to go from being best friends your entire life to being in love? No-one had told him any stories about something like that. They always met and there was a spark at first sight, some sort of indication that they were at least interested in each other. 

Hyunjin had simply laughed and called him naive. There weren’t any particular circumstances and he couldn’t explain what had changed, but something had. They weren’t simply best friends anymore, that much was for sure. After changing Seungmins entire world as if it was nothing, he just turned the television on and started watching Knowing Brothers.

So here he is. Stood outside the gate that leads up the path to Felix’s house. The air still warming, the wind blowing the flowers that decorated the path from side to side. In his pocket is a carefully written letter, because of course he had to write down how he felt. He didn’t feel confident in his ability to say everything he felt out loud, so this was the next best thing. He wanted to confess to Felix, because he hated the idea of keeping something so big from him. Despite everything, he was his best friend and that always came first. He takes a couple deeps breaths. “Okay, Seungmin. You’re okay. It’s just Felix, after all.”

Now, Seungmins hands are sweating as he pushes the wooden gate open, shuffling his way onto Felix’s property. It was strangely familiar, yet completely new. Everything, for the first time in his entire life, felt different. He pushes the door open and heads up to Felix’s room, heart pounding. What if Felix could tell? What if he sensed that Seungmins feelings had changed? Would he hate him for it? 

Felix turns, glancing at him briefly, before his attention returns to the book in his hands. He’s stretched out on his bed, having left just enough room for Seungmin to join him. God, he wasn’t prepared for this. Cautiously, he eases his way forward and climbs onto the bed beside him. 

“Have you heard the one about the librarian? Who falls in love with a boy that accidentally throws a pen at him?” He speaks, not looking away from his book. Seungmin regards him for a moment, just watching him read. His eyes scan the words, a small smile permanently glued to his face. Remarkably, he looks the same as he always has. He isn’t sure why this catches him off-guard, but it does. He supposes he’d expected him to seem different, now he knows he has feelings for him. But, he realises, that at least part of the reason he has these feelings is because Felix is unchanging.

“You know I haven’t.” He responds finally, reaching out and pulling the book away. “Tell me about it.”

“It’s sweet, really. The boy who throws the pen is smitten with him before they even talk and it only gets worse when they do. But he doesn’t realise that his feelings are returned, even though everyone around them knew.”

Could he be hinting about Seungmin? Does he know he has feelings for him? Is he suggesting that he feels the same? Seungmins cheeks heat up and he turns his head away from Felix, flicking through the book he’d been reading before he arrived. Surely Felix hadn’t been able to see through him that easily. They’d barely been together for two minutes yet. No, he had to relax. This would all go awfully if he was a ball of anxiety. He places the book on his lap, carefully, reaching into his pocket and brushing his thumb over the all-important letter. It could wait - just a little longer.

“It’s a shame there aren’t any cute librarians around here for you to date.” Seungmin retorts finally, elbow pressing into Felix’s side. Felix finally turns his head, making eye contact with Seungmin. He’s picking at his fingers, silently watching Seungmin.

“What if - what if I did meet a librarian? In the next town over? What if - he’s really funny? He’s confident, but mostly in a jokey way? What if he’s talented?” There’s an unease in his voice that causes Seungmin to reach his hand out for Felix’s, before he pauses it and rests it on his own thigh. 

“Felix, you don’t have to be so nervous about telling me if you have a boyfriend.” He smiles, but he doesn’t entirely mean it. He yanks his hand out of his pocket, the letter burning his skin. An admittance Seungmin didn’t get to confess. Of course, just when he had finally figured out his feelings, of course someone would finally recognise all the endearing things Seungmin sees in him. That’s the kind of luck he was born with. Felix lights up, however, at the approval given from him. Maybe Seungmin was a better actor than he thought - or maybe Felix just saw what he needed to see. Either way - he was happy. And that’s what matters to Seungmin most.

“You’re okay with it? You should meet him sometime! He’s friends with Haknyeon hyung, you know, he used to live two doors down but they moved? He’s not actually a librarian, by the way, but he’s the one who told me that story, and I couldn’t think of a good way to tell you. I don’t know why I was worried, you’re my best friend. Stupid worries, you know?”

Seungmin just nods, pretends his heart isn’t crumbling in his chest. He’s happy he is happy, of course he is. Above everything, Felix matters most of all. He mostly meant what he said, he didn’t want him to feel like he needed to worry about telling Seungmin things. This was his burden to bear, not Felix’s. 

“What’s his name?” He smiles, digs his elbow into Felix’s side. “More importantly, is he hot?” He wiggles his eyebrows, grinning at the other. Despite the sudden heartbreak, he really did want to know more about this non-librarian who shares love stories with Felix. He’d handle his feelings without it getting in his best friends way. “This is the only time I’ll listen to you gush, you know, so you better get it all out now.”

They both know he’s lying, but Felix smacks his shoulder and goes along with it anyway.

Summer passes and Seungmin returns to the city, chest aching. He doesn’t feel empty, like he’d expected; instead he feels full, like there’s too much packed in such a small space, his feelings compressed within the cavity in his chest. It’s overwhelming and he can’t wait to finally be able to breathe again. 

When he gets off the train, he pulls his phone from his pocket and dials Hyunjins number immediately. Within twenty minutes, a black car pulls up in front of him and Hyunjin thrusts his head out the window, stretching across Chan, whos simply batting at him to return to his seat. Seungmin smiles, before he reaches out and flicks Hyunjins forehead, causing the boy to bash his head on the door as he reels back, clutching his head in his hands. The other two laugh as Seungmin pulls the backseat door open and throws his bag in, before climbing in himself.

This is his normal now, he realises. It has been for far longer than he’d realised. He notices that he can breathe again, as if all the tension that had wrecked him in the countryside had flowed from him now he was back. The Seungmin and Felix who were raised in the countryside had grown older and, despite his protests, despite his blissful ignorance, they had changed. Felix getting a boyfriend was tangible proof of that. Seungmin couldn’t ignore it anymore and pretend they were still the same two kids. And that sucked.

Hyunjin must’ve explained his situation to Chan, because he keeps glancing in the mirror back at Seungmin. He doesn’t pay him any attention, knows it’d make him feel better if he felt like he was doing something. He just stares out the window as the scenery changes thinking about how inevitable it all was. He’d tried for so long to deny the truth; they’d grown up. They hadn’t grown apart, he knew that. Felix was still his best friend no matter what. They still talk every week whenever they can, that probably wasn’t going to change. But still; he felt weird. There wasn’t another way he could put it. It just felt odd, knowing he was in love with his best friend after all this time, knowing he was with someone else. All of it happened so quickly and Seungmin hadn’t quite figured out how to process it. 

“He seems nice.” He speaks, not entirely sure if he wanted a response from the other two or not. “Felix’s boyfriend, I mean. I didn’t meet him or anything, but he really likes him.” There’s a silence that follows as Seungmin tries to find the words he wants to say, searching for the perfect sentence to summarise all his thoughts. But it’s not that easy.

“Are you doing okay, Seungmin?” Chan speaks up, Hyunjin tapping away at his phone. He’s already said everything he possibly could when he’d phoned Seungmin the night before to organise picking him up from the station and, surprising both of them, Seungmin had poured his heart out over the phone.

“I don’t know. I’m happy for him - he really does seem happy with this guy. You should see the way he looks when he’s talking about him.” Seungmin wrinkles his nose. “It’s kind of gross, really.” 

“Yeah, people in relationships are like that. Wait until you see Hyunjin and his boyfriend.” Chan laughs as he parks the car outside Seungmins house, before turning to face him. He lifts his fingers to his mouth and pretends to retch, earning him a smack against the shoulder from Hyunjin.

“You’re just jealous, hyung!” He spins himself round so he can gain eye contact with Seungmin. “We’re not that bad. You should meet Younghoon sometime. He’s nice, I promise. I’ll call you tomorrow before we go to Woojins, okay? See ya’!” 

“I was only gone for one summer, Hyunjin! You should invite him tomorrow. I’ll see you then!” And with that, Seungmin grabs his bag and climbs out of the car, heading into his apartment building as they drive away behind him.

This is what his life is and what it has always been. It’s okay and he feels like the familiarity of it all helps, but when he checks his phone and there isn’t a text from Felix, he can’t help but sigh, before dropping onto his bed and staring up at the ceiling. It’s calming, if only until he remembers everything again. His emptiness washes over him, and he finds himself wondering if he’ll ever get to be peacefully half-full ever again.

Summers come and pass. Seungmin gets into college to study creative writing. He still returns every summer. He meets Eric, the non-librarian boyfriend, and he is as incredible as Felix had said. A part of Seungmin wished he wasn’t so he could hate him, but, as his luck would have it, Eric suits Felix. They work well together and Eric fits so wonderfully into their dynamic, that Seungmin can’t really find a reason to complain. As long as he ignored the crush that only worsened over the years. Sometimes, when it’s particularly tough, he finds himself wishing Eric had made their duo a trio as a friend. But Seungmins life wasn’t fair, so instead he keeps everything bottled inside his chest. 

A fair comes into town during Seungmin’s last week of summer vacation and Eric invites him to come with him and Felix, but he declines. He knows that it was out of courtesy, a testimony to their friendship and his respect for Seungmin and Felix - he doesn’t want to be the reason they miss out on spending their already limited time together - but it’s okay. They don’t have to spend everyday together; after all, they’d grown up now, it was only fair they lived their lives. No-one could pause everything just for summer. Not even Felix, despite his best efforts.

Felix texts him updates, sending stupid selfies and videos of him playing (and mostly losing) the games, along with the occasional text of something he just witnessed that he knows would make Seungmin laugh. He wasn’t particularly upset not to be there with them, he was having fun replaying his old Pokemon game he’d left here years ago, but still. Knowing Felix was thinking of him while he was having fun was… heartwarming, for lack of a better way to put it.

Hours pass and Felix sends a photo of a stuffed dog plushie, along with the caption ‘won u a gift!!!!!! he looks like u :D’ which makes Seungmin fall back onto his bed and laugh. Felix was always buying dog shaped things and giving them to him. Of course, he had retaliated by doing the same with cat shaped things. It was only fair, after all. 

Seungmin replies with a ridiculous photo of himself using a dog filter, teasing Felix about the gift. Later that night, he receives a picture of fireworks littering the sky behind Felix, who’d recently dyed his hair a pretty shade of orange, with the caption ‘wish u were here :(‘ and he locks his phone, clutching it to his chest.

He wishes he were there too.

It’s Fall now and Seungmins tapping his fingers against the table, head resting on his arm. There’s a book lying open beside his head, but he can’t bring himself to focus on it. Hyunjin is sleeping across from him and the rest of their friends are carefully sticking post-its on his hair. Seungmin just watches silently, adoring smile on his face. He loved his friends. He loved them undoubtedly, unashamedly. He just wished Felix was here too. He wonders if he wishes he could be too.

Even though the distance is only a matter of hours, Seungmin feels like he’s been torn in half. There’s the half of him that grows, finds his passion for languages at the age of 19. He switches gears, deciding he’d rather be an interpreter. This half of him has plans, ambition, drive. This side of him likes sleeping in, thrives at 3am when stuffed into a tiny dorm room with as many friends as they can manage, trying to cram for college exams. The other half of him lives in the countryside, eternally young and dreaming. He rises with the sun, and works hard for the majority of the morning. He learns about farm life, he knows who he is and where he’s going. He’s learning about himself and he’s at ease.

Seungmin wishes he could find a balance between the two sides. He wishes every time he throws a coin into the fountain that sits in the center of his University’s campus. He wishes every time he blows out the candles on his birthday cakes. Yet he still struggles.

Seungmin is twenty years old when he gets a frantic call from Felix saying he’s on the train heading into the city. He sounds… strange, almost rushed. Seungmin immediately worries, grabbing the keys for his vespa and heading to the station as quickly as he can. His best friend needs him.

When Felix charges toward Seungmin, he spreads his arms open wide and waits for the boy to crash into him, enveloping him in a gentle hug. “What’s wrong? Why did you come here? Is everything okay back home? Are your par-”

“Eric broke up with me.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know, I guess. It doesn’t matter anyway. No matter what he said, I still would’ve come to you.”

Seungmin just nods, half letting go of Felix and jostling around until he’s comfortably got his arm slung over his shoulders, guiding him out of the station. He tries not to dwell on Felix’s words, pushes down the warmth that threatens to flood through him at the words. He can think about that later. For now, Felix needs something to distract him, something loud and stupid and fun. So, Seungmin takes him exactly where he needs to be.

“You’re late, Seungmin! You know that means you have to pay for the chicken now, right? Rules are rules, after all, and you can’t back out or anything, because you set the-” Hyunjin stops when he sees that Seungmin has company. It closes as he shuffles closer once he recognises who it is.

“Hey, no way! Felix, is that you? Come here! We all missed you! You should’ve come to visit way sooner, you know there’s always room for you with Chan hyung and I! Although - well, we don’t live together anymore. You know how it is. Chan hyung lives here by himself now, like a loser. I love the hair, by the way!”

Hyunjin pulls the boy out of Seungmins grip and guides him through to the living room, as carefully as he could. He turns, glancing over his shoulder at Seungmin and tilts his head. It’s a question. Seungmin shrugs and gestures vaguely. He wouldn’t be able to explain it. Not today, at least. He takes a couple deep breaths, preparing himself, before he follows them into the living room. 

Everyone cheers at the sight of Felix, as though they all knew him intimately instead of having met him once or twice before. Felix seems thankful, however and sinks into the sofa beside Woojin. Hyunjin slides in beside him and beams at Seungmin. A clear victory. He just rolls his eyes and sits on the floor in front of Felix, whose hands come to rest on his shoulders.

“Settle an argument - action or rom-com? We can’t decide what to watch. Those two -” Hyunjin jerks his hand over to point at where Minho and Jisung are squeezed onto a bean bag, “Want to watch a rom-com. But we all want something a little more exciting.”

Felix hums as he thinks, a Day6 song, Seungmin notes. It causes a surge of pride to flood through him. It’s one of the ones he’d added to his and Felix’ shared spotify playlist. “Why not both? What about Guardians of the Galaxy?” 

The group all consider his suggestions for a moment, silence washing over the room. It’s destroyed just as quickly as it came to be, due to Jisung piping up. “Sounds good to me!”

With that, they all seem to nod in agreement, talking about the film as Hyunjin found it on Netflix. 

They watch the film, commentating as it plays. Seungmin doesn’t say much, instead choosing to sit back and bathe in the warmth of his friends' voices. There’s a special kind of comfort to be found in situations like this, he thinks. When his friends are talking around him, when he knows he could join in the conversation if he wanted to and no-one would bat an eyelid.

He shifts, glancing at Felix. The boy is engaged in a conversation with Changbin, his arms moving as he speaks. It feels as though he has been a part of this forever and the thought courses through Seungmin like electricity. 

Which isn’t entirely wrong, he supposes. He carries pieces of Felix with him wherever he goes, so it only makes sense that the boy fits in so well here. But still… to be able to see the two halves of him blend so beautifully together like this… for the first time in a long, long time, Seungmin feels peacefully half-full once more.

Felix glances down at Seungmin and smiles at him, eyes crinkling around the edges. He smiles back, staring at Felix for a moment. Savouring the joy that radiates from him for as long as he can. When he turns back around again, there’s a light blush on his cheeks, and a knowing twinkle in Minho's eye that he chooses to ignore.

When Seungmin wakes, he’s completely caught off guard for two very distinct reasons. Firstly, this isn’t his room. Secondly, someone’s head is resting on his chest. Ah, that helps explain point number one. He’d ended up staying at Hyunjin’s, far too tired to head home. Luckily, Felix had agreed with him.

He squints into the darkness, trying to identify who it is that’s currently sleeping on him. When that doesn’t work, he decides to gently prod their cheek. He keeps prodding them until eventually they stir, lifting their head off his chest and blinking up at Seungmin. 

“What time is it?” Felix whispers, clearly still half asleep. He runs his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes. Seungmin shakes his head and reaches out, lowering Felix’s hands. He glances to his side and lifts a phone - he isn’t entirely sure whose it is until the screen lights up with a picture he recognises. Ah. Why has he got Changbins phone here?

“It’s 2:30 in the morning. You can go back to sleep if you want.” He murmurs back, now too awake to return to sleep. It was fine, though. Seungmin was a little thirsty anyway, so he’d probably just shuffle through and get something to drink before settling and waiting to either fall back asleep eventually or for the others to wake up; whichever came first.

“You staying awake?” Felix drops his head back against Seungmins chest, causing him to scrunch his face up for a second. He nods, taking a few seconds to realize that Felix cannot see him with the way they’re currently resting. 

“Yeah, probably. Do you want a drink? I’m gonna’ have a glass of water, I think.” He waits for a second for any response from Felix before flicking his head with his fingers. “Felix. Sit up for a second so I can get up.” He does as he’s told, shuffling slowly until he’s slumped forward, his legs crossed. 

Seungmin stands up and begins the difficult process of climbing over his friends, an art he’s spent years practicing. Felix, however, is a new hurdle. Thankfully he maneuvers around Seungmin, narrowly avoiding a kick to the head as Seungmin balances on one leg before lunging over Hyunjin.

“Do you want water?” Seungmin asks once more, deciding it would be better to get a definite answer now rather than when he’s on his way back with his own. Felix’s face illuminates with the light from his phone screen and he turns to look at Seungmin. 

“Yeah, thanks.” He gives a half-smile, his brain not awake enough to give anything more than that. Which is fine, because Seungmin wouldn’t dare ask for more. Not at 2:30 in the morning, anyway. He nods in response, turning back to the kitchen and making his way there.

When he comes back, Felix turns his phone flashlight on and guides the way for Seungmin, much to his appreciation. He’d spilled water on Woojin before and that hadn’t ended well for anybody involved. He settles back down in his spot, Felix moving to rest his head against Seungmins as he accepts the glass.

“Thanks.” They drink in relative silence, enjoying the peacefulness that the silence brings. Occasionally one of their friends rolls around in their sleep, or Minho talks in his strange sleeping language, which has the pair barely stifling laughter, but they manage. When Seungmin has almost drained his glass, Felix speaks softly. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

Seungmin tilts his head, pressing against Felix. “Right now?” They used to go for walks sometimes, back when Seungmin still lived in the countryside with Felix. But that was different - they knew everyone, they knew all the shortcuts. Their safety was assured. Then again, Seungmin hasn’t been able to refuse Felix for years. “Okay.”

Felix laughs into the night. “I didn’t think you’d agree so quickly.” He drinks the rest of his glass and pushes himself up, standing above Seungmin. He checks his phone for a moment, waiting for Seungmin to finish before he shoves his phone in his back pocket and reaches for Seungmins glass. “I’ll take them back through.”

“Thanks.” Seungmin just hands him the glass, figuring he doesn’t really need to say anything else in response to that. He stands up once more and turns on his phone flashlight, searching for his coat in amongst the heap of bodies sleeping peacefully around the room. By the time he finally spots it, poking out from underneath Jeongin, Felix has returned and is pulling his jumper over his head.

Seungmin heads toward the door and lifts Chan’s keys from the hook, swinging them around his finger for a moment before unlocking it and stepping outside into the brisk night air. He’s about to continue walking when something grabs his arm and yanks him back. He whips round, only to see Felix holding a mask out to him. He laughs, before accepting it and fastening it onto his face. “You ready?”

Felix nods, his eyes crinkled into crescents. Seungmin turns and begins to walk, unsure of a destination. They walk in silence for a couple minutes, until Felix turns to Seungmin. “Do you remember the park we went to last time I was here?” Seungmin nods. “Can we go there again? I want to see if it’s still the same.”

Seungmin is confused by the sudden desire, but he begins heading there all the same. It isn’t all that far from Chan’s place anyway, so it’s not that bad. Plus, at least this means they have a destination in mind, rather than wandering aimlessly like they used to.

Once they get there, Seungmin beelines toward the climbing frame, sitting with his legs hanging over the side as Felix wanders around, inspecting everything. When he’s finished, he returns to Seungmin and climbs up to sit beside him. “Is it? The same, I mean.”

Felix looks around them at the park, before turning to Seungmin and nodding. “Yeah, it’s the same. A little… older, but the same. It could definitely do with some paint.” They laugh together at that and Felix throws his arm across Seungmins shoulders, his other hand tugging his mask off his face and letting it scrunch at the base of his chin. Seungmin follows suit. Once they’re mouths are clear and their words are no longer muffled, Felix continues. “It’s weird. I don’t know if I expected it to be exactly the same or entirely different.”

Felix has a far-off look in his eyes, as if he’s deep in thought already, just speaking aloud, so Seungmin decides it’s probably best that he doesn’t interrupt him and just lets his best friend speak his mind. “Sometimes it feels like I’ve watched you grow up without me. It’s not your fault, I know that. It’s just - sometimes I wish I could go back in time and beg with my parents to let me come with you to the city. I love home, I do. But I don’t want that to be everything I know forever.” He sighs, swinging his feet to and fro. “Everyone looks so different compared to when I last saw them. It was years ago, but it didn’t feel like that until I saw them all for the first time today. And everytime you come back you always look older, cooler.” His voice quietens and he lowers his head, staring at the ground. “Sometimes it feels like you’re outgrowing me and you won't be coming back next summer.”

Seungmin shuffles, so he’s lying down on his back. He stares up at the ceiling, at the various names that have been scribbled there and he recognises a couple of them, but none of them are significant. Not anyone he knows that well. “For years I kept trying to pretend that neither of us were growing up. It was only when you started dating Eric that I realised I had to face reality head on. You were growing up, too, you know.” Seungmin is silent for a moment, prodding a finger gently into Felix’s side. As if in response to the contact, Felix falls back, head resting on Seungmins stomach once more. “I wish you could have moved to the city with me too. Having you here -” He swallows, eyes trained on a particular name on the ceiling. “It’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. Like - all of me is here. You know?” 

There’s silence that follows as they both just take in what they’ve said, the truths they’ve exchanged. Seungmin feels like he’s close to breaking, feels like everything he’s ignored is bubbling and threatening to spill from him, to knock Felix over like a current and drag him away. So, he bites his lip. He knows he won't lose him, he refuses to, but still. If Seungmin admits his feelings, if he puts that out into the open, then things will change. And he isn’t quite sure he can handle that, not now. Not when Felix is already having to deal with a massive change to his life. Seungmin can’t do that to him.

“Do you wanna’ know why Eric really broke up with me?” Felix doesn’t turn to look at him as he speaks. Seungmin watches him now, watches his best friend stare out toward the vast clouds, his eyes seemingly trained on something important that’s even further up than them - If it’s even something visible at all. 

“If you want to tell me, then yeah. Sure.” He responds, still watching. Waiting. Felix’ eyes flutter closed as his tongue swipes at his upper lip, fingers tapping against his chest. Whatever the reason, he seems nervous to share it. It must be something big, considering that Felix had lied back at the train station, saying he didn’t know. But even now, Seungmin can’t find it within himself to be angry. Felix probably had a good reason for it, after all.

“It… was because of you.” 

Felix definitely had a good reason for it.

“Me? What did I do? I’m so sorry I didn’t mean -” Seungmin begins apologising, hating the guilt that washes over him. Had Eric managed to sense how he felt about Felix? Did he secretly hate him for it? Had he told Felix? Quietly, Seungmin rests his hand above his heart, willing it to slow down.

It doesn’t work.

“No, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was - it was me.” He doesn’t move, the tips of his ears reddening as he spoke. “I liked you for a very, very long time, Seungmin. I told him that before he asked me out, actually. Well - he asked. He didn’t mind - and for the longest time it was okay that I -” He takes a deep breath, before adopting a soft, small smile. “that I still liked you. He said he understood why.” Felix laughs airily. “You know, I think he had a crush on you himself. I was only… a little bit jealous.”

Of who? Seungmin wants to ask, but he can’t. His head is spinning and he braces his hand against the wooden planks they’re lying on. He’s focusing so intently on what Felix is saying - trying to comprehend the words he’s saying, the meaning behind them. 

“He decided to break up with me because - he figured we deserved a chance.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “You and me. Not - not me and him. If that wasn’t clear.”

“Wait - Eric had a crush on me?”

Felix bursts out laughing at that, turning his head to look at Seungmin and nodding. Seungmin smiles, the whirlwind in his stomach bursting out of him in the form of cacophonous laughter. He’s overwhelmed and everything feels like it’s moved slightly to the left. He reaches up and rubs his head, trying to make sense of it all.

“Yeah, I think so.”

Silence follows, until Seungmin finally finds his voice. “I can’t believe your boyfriend knew about your crush on me before I did. That’s kind of not fair.” He pauses, reaching his hand out and carefully linking his pinky with Felix’s. “I like you too, you know. I had a letter prepared and everything but then you started dating Eric and I - didn’t want to risk coming between that.”

Felix sits up, turning to look down at Seungmin properly. “Do you still have it?” There’s a twinkle of excitement in his eyes that instills a sliver of fear into Seungmin. “Can I read it? I want to see all the super gay things you said about me.” He grins devilishly. 

“No way! It was years ago, anyway. Do you really think I kept it? That’s ridiculous, no way.” He shifts, glancing away from Felix. Maybe he had kept it. Maybe it was tucked away with the rest of his precious things, inside the stuffed bear Minho had won him years ago. A gift to celebrate that Seungmin had passed an exam or something. He doesn’t remember exactly what it was for, not anymore. But it cemented his place in his friends lives, reminded him that he had more in his life than he gave himself credit for.

“It’s in the bear, isn’t it? You forgot I found the Wonpil photocard you put in there, last time I visited.” He sticks his tongue out when Seungmin turns to glare at him, embarrassment washing over his face. Indignantly, he sits up and crosses his arms.

“You’re not getting to read it, I’m going to move it before you get the chance.” He grins, closing his eyes as he sticks his tongue out at a now pouting Felix. This only serves to aggravate the other, causing him to shove his hands against Seungmins shoulder. 

He slumps forward after he shoves him, forehead pressing against Seungmins shoulder. It catches him off guard and he freezes for a second, before giving his head a small shake. “Why did you decide to tell me now?”

Felix stays silent for long enough that Seungmin wonders if he’s somehow falling asleep. He’s about to poke the boy to check when he speaks, voice soft. “Minho said I should at least tell you, especially because it’s what Eric wanted me to do. He figured - he figured that I should at least put it out there. So we can figure things out from here, I guess.”

Seungmin laughs. “Ah, you went to Minho hyung for love advice? That was… bold.”

“Shut up, Seungmin. He’s nice! A little… strange but nice all the same.” He pulls his head back, staring at Seungmin. He shuffles back a little, before headbutting his head against his upper arm. It causes his chest to tighten, the action reminding Seungmin of a playful kitten and pulling at his heartstrings. When Felix pulls back, gaining eye contact with Seungmin once more, there’s an adoring smile on the latter’s face.

“Yeah, sure. Still bold though.” He reaches out and tentatively pets Felix’s head, his own tilted to the left. He’s cautious, as if Felix is a wild cat that has settled in front of him, ready to run at a moments notice. 

But he doesn’t. Instead, Felix just smiles, his eyes shut as he does so. So, they sit in silence, the wind brushing against them, as Seungmin pets Felix’s hair. Soon, the boy has his head resting in his lap, curled up as much as he can in the small space the climbing frame provides. “Wait - when did you find the time to ask him?” He narrows his eyes at Felix, perplexed by the notion of his friends having secret rendezvous to discuss his life.

“He cornered me in the hallway when I was heading to the bathroom. I’m glad he did, though. I didn’t really have anyone to go to for advice about the whole thing, because I’m not asking anyone back home. You know what they’re like. They’d tell my parents as soon as I’d walked away!”

Seungmin laughs fondly, both at Minho and at the people back home. They were nosey, that’s for sure. Felix’s parents wouldn’t be mad, he knows that much, but they would make embarrassing comments whenever Seungmin came over and he couldn’t handle that, especially because he’d assume they’d found out about his crush. Never in a million years would he have thought that he stood a chance of Felix liking him back.

“We should head back, before you fall asleep out here. I’m not going to carry you the entire way, you know.” 

“But you would carry me part of the way?” Felix cracks an eye open, smiling up at Seungmin cheekily. He glances away and his smile drops, before he’s glancing back up at his face. “Seungmin. I - I’m not ready to date yet. I like you, I really, really do. I promise. It’s just that -”

Seungmin swiftly cuts him off, sensing that Felix is starting to get more and more caught up in how his sentences were sounding. “Felix, it’s okay. You loved Eric. You need time. It’s okay. I managed to wait this long without even knowing how you felt about me. Imagine how long I can wait now I know.” Seungmin means what he says. Felix is a person made of love, so it’s not impossible for him to love two people entirely. That is - if he loved Seungmin as much as he loved Eric. Seungmin refused to get into the business of comparing them - it didn’t feel fair to any of the trio after all.

Felix shuffles, getting ready to stand up. “You won’t have to wait that long.” He shoots Seungmin a look of unbridled determination. “Come on, let’s head back. I don’t want the others to start coming up with conspiracy theories about where we went.”

Seungmin stands and grins, holding his hand out to the other and pulling him up. He gestures toward the slide and waits patiently as Felix heads over, shuffling himself into position and turning to glance at Seungmin over his shoulder. Seungmin pushes him with a cheeky grin, then pulls his phone out of his pocket and glances at the time.

“I think we’re fine - there’s a good chance they’re all still asleep. It’s only 3am, you know. It just feels like it’s later.”

Still, Seungmin pushes himself down the slide and jumps up in front of the other, giving him a small fright. They start walking back toward the apartment, their hands brushing against each other until finally Felix links their pinkies together. Seungmin pulls his hand into his coat pocket. “You’re freezing - don’t you have a coat?”

“No, I left it at Chan hyungs.”

“C’mere.” Seungmin pulls his coat open and envelops Felix in a hug, his coat just barely covering him. “We’ll just have to walk home like this then, I guess.” It makes Felix laugh, the ridiculousness of the situation, but he nods in agreement. They begin to shuffle along, before eventually deciding that they can’t continue like this. So, Seungmin takes his coat off and hands it over to Felix. “It’s only fair, I had it on the way here after all.”

Felix shrugs, a look of defeat already on his face, as he takes the coat from Seungmin and tugs it on. He reaches for Seungmins hand and pulls it into his pocket, his thumb brushing against the back of it. “You should tell me a story. A good romance will warm me up, I think. Like we used to do, you remember?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ve got the perfect one in mind.” Seungmin grins at Felix, the close proximity making his cheeks turn pink. “So, there are these two boys and they’re best friends. Have been ever since they were young. And they liked to share stories with each other. It started off with ones they made themselves, and slowly morphed into becoming stories they’d heard from other people.”

“Oh, I think I know this one.” Felix interrupts, a fond smile gracing his lips.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, definitely not. I want to know how it ends.”

“I think it has a happy ending.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

Seungmin smiles at that and realises that he feels wonderfully, blissfully full.

**Author's Note:**

> the stories referenced here are actually fics written by my friends!
> 
> the one about the sailors can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936371)
> 
> the one about the school kids can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353511)
> 
> and the one about the librarian can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037493/chapters/42622709)
> 
> please leave them wonderful comments about their writing! also the song by day6 that felix is humming is I'm Serious! i recommend reading the english translation for the lyrics for a fun little surprise :D
> 
> my twitter handle is the same as my ao3 handle if you want to talk to me, my curious cat can be found [here](http://www.curiouscat.me/bbangsun).


End file.
